UPDATE ....

AT 14- SHE fell in love with someone who was in love with a close relative of HER's.

He called her a few times.
SHE did not give him a chance to talk.

SHE only wanted to understand what he wanted from HER.

SHE wanted to know why he suddenly remembered her and insisted on seeing her after 12 years.

12 YEARS.... Yes, it was a long time, SHE was not the same person he had some attraction for and definately he was not the same person SHE fell in love with.

HER curiousity grew and SHE accepted his invitation for "a cup of coffee and some talk".
SHE saw him today and ....
Here they were again.
Facing each other.

He blamed her for not holding strong to him when he was ending his relationsip with her relative. SHE told him SHE would never hold strong to anyone, that he had to decide whom he wanted to be with.

But with them it was different, he was in love with HER relative and that SHE would never accept to be with him, ever.

But he was there infront of HER again, with his seducing and catching eyes. With his sweet smile.
He was interested in knowing all that SHE had been through.

The shock was that he still remembered HER favourit song.
He remembered what SHE liked and disliked.
He said he missed HER smile.


SHE had to talk and SHE confronted him and said that SHE was not interested in any new friendship as SHE had enough freinds SHE was happy with and did not want more.
SHE was not interested in getting into a love realtionship that was sentenced to death since the first moment.
SHE argued and was very aggressive with him.

He returned to HER after he got married and has a twin at the age of 5.
SHE knew SHE should not have met him in the first place, not even answered his phone calls.
SHE should have said no and sticked to her 'no'.
However, HER curiousity led her to meet with him.


Now, and after 4 hours of the meeting, SHE feels guilty having been so aggressive with him.
SHE feels bad at the way she treated him and silenced him.
As if she was taking revenge from the way he betrayed her when she was 14.


He did not say that he was in love with HER.
He did not say that he would leave his wife for HER sake.
He said that he wanted to speak to HER and to know HER more, and no one knows what could happen in the future.
He said he could not hurt even one 'hair' of her.

SHE knew that all what SHE had said was correct and that it was the only true thing that SHE should have said, nothing more, but SHE still felt guilty.

He felt the saddness SHE carried in her heart, behind the mask SHE wore on HER eyes.
He had changed, unfortunately.......... to the better.
He became more handsome and more seducing.
He became more calm and more like a man of her dreams.

SHE does not know what the next step will be.
SHE knows that SHE should not want to fall in love with him, and that SHE definately would if she continues to meet him and to answer his phone calls.


Deep inside HER, SHE really wishes that he would call again.
SHE does not know what HER next step would be but SHE wants to make correct what SHE made wrong today.


Would he call again?
Should SHE meet him again?
SHE is in so much doubt and confusion.
Maybe when SHE wakes up the next day SHE would be faced by the answers and the will for all tomorrow's challenges.

MARRIED MEN

What is it with married men these days?

As if every married man SHE knew had woke up suddenly to realise that SHE had existed one day in his life, and that SHE still exists.

Many of HER friends since childhood were males.

Many of the male friends SHE had known since HER teenage years are now married.

Some of these many-married-male-friends have always treated HER like a friend and always denied the fact that they have 'extra' feelings towards HER, even when their eyes showed it.

None of these 'some-many friends' expressed any feelings, so SHE always assumed they were friends only.

However, and SHE does not know why, all of these 'some-many-friends' have started calling and started trying to become closer to HER. What is shocking to HER, is their shock as to why SHE is not moving a step further than HER previous steps when they (him and him and him ) were not married.

For God's sake, you guys were HER friends and u never showed 'further feelings' when u were single. Why on earth u think that (and imagine.... after you got married) u expect HER to accept to take a step further than being a friend. You guys are married, and if u only wanted HER friendship when u were single why are u asking HER for more now that u are married and have children?

WE are talking here about different kinds of men, different moods, different backgrounds, different looks and different everything. These men have nothing in common except that they all have passed into HER life one day.

Trying to be comprehensive, but SHE does not know if it makes sense enough. All SHE knows is that for the past few weeks SHE had been replying to phone calls from 'some-many-married-male-friends' SHE hasn't seen for a while and from 'friends' SHE has not expected to ever hear about again, let alone answer their phone calls.

SHE had been wondering for sometime now and still is.

What could have suddenly happened to all these 'friends'?

Is it possible that a certian virus was generated and they got infected by 'the need to talk to HER'?

Could it be that SHE suddenly became more attractive to them? ;)

Is it possible that they all feel like having some fun and SHE was number one on their 'trial list'?

SHE really does not know what is going on, but SHE will be wondering about the true reason and cause untill SHE gets certain answers.

AND...

For all of you 'some-many-married-male-friends', may you all be given the gift of knowing what u want in life and to learn to be satisfied with what u have and what u once have chosen.

Interesting Artist

Julia Botros from Lebanon

http://mmeero.blogspot.com/2006/11/julia-botros.html

To Her Best Interest

SHE always believed that whatever comes through her way, and whatever happens to her in life is always to her best benefit.

SHE never discussed it with anyone even with herself because she was certain of her belief. As if she trusted destiny so blindly. SHE raised no question whatsoever about any issue that slipped into her life.

SHE believed that destiny would only bring to her what would be best to carry on successfuly with her life.

However;

- Being not yet married at the age of 34 is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Having not fulfilled even her smallest dream is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Being single with no special man in her life is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Leading her life alone without a specific solid target is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Being locked next to her single family member is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Being unable to lose the extra weight she gained over the years is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Meeting the wrong men all the time, and the correct men at the wrong time is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Losing her best friends one by one as each gets married and moves away is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Being locked up in a job she does not enjoy and does not have the courage to move out is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Comforting and clearing the tears of those who are dear to her while no one understood her moods quick enough and she accepting all that with a smile is to her BEST INTEREST?

Although all that may seem very gloomy and sad, but she still believed that all that encountered her in life was definitely to her BEST INTEREST!!!

HER Beloved Friend...

He was HER friend. HER closest best friend.

He best suited HER personality. They were one mind, one soul in two bodies.

They complimented each other.

And they loved each other dearly.... as friends.

He never felt SHE could be more than a friend. SHE was a dear sister. NO more.

BUT...

He cannot live without HER . Cannot survive without HER presence in his life. HER advices. HER sweet way of sharing his discussions and agreeing with him, and him with HER .

He never liked it when SHE went on vacation, not even for a couple of weeks.

All HER friends thought that SHE was stupid 'cause SHE was unable to 'catch' him and make him HER's.

All their friends wanted them together because they best fit together.

None wanted HER out of the group, and none thought anyone would deserve him more than HER.

His family loved HER dearly and thought that their son is so valuable and deserves a lot and thus SHE would be the best choice. They waited and prayed he would surprise them one day.

SHE felt so close to him. SHE shared everything with him.

SHE understood him. SHE thought he might be HER perfect match, only if he saw that SHE can be more than a friend. HER family loved him dearly. They accepted him as part of the family.

They trusted each other so much. He trusted HER advices, and SHE trusted his decisions and thus SHE accepted it when he presented his girlfriend to HER. At first, SHE didnt like the way she looked and the way she was moody. But SHE trusted his decision. His family didnt accept her at all, but SHE still trusted his decision. The friends told HER SHE wasn't clever enough to keep him for HERSELF, but SHE still trusted his decision. His family moved closer to HER trying to make their son see HER differently, but SHE still trusted his decision.

He got engaged and SHE became closer to his fiance'. SHE tried to understand what had attracted him to her. SHE never understood why, but SHE still trusted his decision.

He got married and he was happy, and SHE was happy for him.

SHE helped in all the wedding details.

SHE visited them in their 'golden cage'.

BUT...

Something in his eyes changed.

The way he looked at HER was different. SHE didn't know what, but certainly something was different.

SHE didn't understand what was the cause of this change, or what this change was, but....

SHE STILL TRUSTS HIS DECISIONS.

What is there in Life that still awaits HER?!

AT 14
- SHE fell in love with someone who was in love with a close relative of HER's.
- HER brother and soulmate passed away, he was 16.

At 17
-SHE had to move from her birth country, and to leave all her childhood memories and friends and go to HER country of nationality. SHE had to start a new life, start from scratch. New friends, new places and new routine. It was very tough to adapt and to make new friends in HER own country. It took HER more than a year to start feeling 'normal' living in her country.

At 18
- SHE fell in a 'wall crashing' love that lasted almost three years. They were great happy years until....

At 21
HE got engaged.
SHE went into depression and cried for 8 months until SHE decided that SHE wanted him out of HER system, and SHE succeeded.

SHE had to attend his wedding. YES!!! SHE was invited, and YES SHE went, and yes SHE was very ok!
REMARK: YES! He proposed to the wife while he was still in 'love' with HER ! AND his reply to all those who accused him of hugging HER & stabbing HER back was "leee sho feee?" (Why? What's wrong?)

At 24
-HER family had to move away from HER country of nationality. SHE couldn't go with them. HER family was split although HER parents were not divorced and none of HER brothers or SHE were married.
SHE thought SHE would die away from HER family but as soon as SHE started to adapt and to look at the bright side of the picture...

At 25
Lebanon was attacked.
SHE had to live the war for 33 days with all the attacks and the cruelty of killing and the deaths of innocent people. SHE cried nonstop and thought HER heart would stop beating at any moment due to sadness and agony SHE felt inside. SHE felt helpless, there was nothing one could do to the people who died or got severely injured.
However, and since today SHE feels 'ok' and that the 'moment' of the war was over, although it is even more difficult to get the normal life back as before the war, SHE still survived and SHE wonders...

WHAT STILL AWAITS HER????

Freedom?!!

" While i was fighting, i heared other people speaking in the name of freedom, and the more they defended their unique right, the more enslaved they seemed to be to their parents' wishes, to a marriage in which they had promised to stay with the other person 'for the rest of their lives,' to the bathroom scales,to their diet, to half finished projects, to lovers to whom they were incapable of saying 'No' or 'it's over,' to weekends when they were obliged to have lunch with people they didnt even like. Slaves to Luxury, to the appearance of the appearnace of luxury. Slaves to a life they have not chosen, but which they had decided to live because someone had managed to convince them that it was all for the best. And so their identical days and nights passed, days and nights in which adventure was just a word in a book or an image on the television that was always on, and whenever a door opened, they would say:
"I'm not interested, I'm not in the mood"
How could they possibly know if they were in the mood or not if they had never tried? But there was no point in asking; the truth was they were afraid of any change that would upset the world they had grown used to."

Those fabulous words are from a book "the Zahir" by the great writer "Paulo Coelho".

Since i totally agree with Paulo Coelho, and since his words have inspired me and convinced me that the time to change is now, and since i have started to change many things in my life, i thought i would start my blog with his words, they might as well influence other people.